Before I start this entry, I want to thank everyone who has read this blog and is so supportive of me. I am definitely one lucky girl and please know that all of your words of encouragement are exactly what is going to help me get thru this experience. It really means the world to me:) Ok, now to the post.....
I have been on and off working out for the last three years. I go thru spurts like I am sure most people do. I will go hard for 6 months, taking spin, working out with a trainer and then boom - nothing for year. This has pretty much been my MO for most of my life. I met Emilie about 3 years ago when she became the trainer at our local gym. I was going thru one of my "yes, I am going to start working out again and I am going to lose weight and kick *ss", all while continuing to eat & drink whatever I wanted. (Psst, that doesn't work).
When I showed up at the gym and met Emilie, I was all like whoa -- she may be the happiest person I ever met in my life. She just graduated from college and really, really, really like exercising - ALOT. And was really happy. It takes me a while to warm up to people, once you get to know me (or I get to know you), I am pretty content, happy person (with a little sarcasm thrown in there). She definitely threw me off that first workout. As we were talking about what my goals are, how she works, blah blah blah - I throw out "I don't do mountain climbers or burpees - can we put this on the list of exercises that I don't like". She was surprisingly ok with it -- with the caveat that there was nothing else that could go on the list - she has control of everything else. As long as I could curse, complain and not have to do those things - you can do whatever you want dear Emilie. That first workout was hard, I had never used a trainer before and had really personalized attention. But although I would not admit it until about 2 weeks ago (we will get to that) - I really liked it. It totally touches on my competitive nature - that I deny is there. But it is - it's there - BIG TIME.
But as I had always done in the past, I would work out with Emilie for 3 to 4 months, then come up with some jerk *ss excuse as to why I was going to stop working out (whether it was work, or laziness, or a hurt toe - you get the picture). But here is the thing about Emilie, we became friends, when you are working out with someone so hard, who pushes you harder than you want to go - even if you whine, complain and curse the entire time - you open up and become very close to this person. So I would take, 5, 6, 7 months off and I would run into Emilie and she would say "I miss you V - when are you coming back?". The cycle would start again (all while continuing to eat & drink whatever I wanted, no weight loss at all).
When I signed up for the Biggest Loser Resort in January, Emilie was one of the first people I told and she was psyched. After about a year, I was going to start working out with her again - once a week, plus a couple of days of cardio. I did that for about a month, then my calves got all screwed up as well as my feet. My muscles were so tight - all the time - working out hurt them so much. So for March, April & May - working out stopped again. In June, I started going on long walks again and my legs/feet felt good. I spoke with Emilie and I was going to start working out with her for 3 weeks 3 times a week until I was ready to leave Boston. Two weeks ago, I looked at Emilie after a really good session and said "Shit, I really like the feeling I get after a great session - its so f*cking hard during it - and sometimes I even hate you while I am working out. I don't think I can finish or lift at weight and then I do it!" Emilie had the biggest grin on her face "Vanessa - you like to workout - you don't like to fit it into your life or make time for it but once you get here - you love it" Dammit - she's right. I will make up any excuse not to go to the gym but once I get there, am in it and have gotten thru that first 20 minutes of pure torture - I am good.
Today was the last day we worked out together (it wasn't supposed to be but I have to go to the doctor tomorrow). Emilie was not happy today - she was not happy at all. And I knew it - and I tried for the first 10 minutes to get her to laugh or smile - I am not used to this at all. Normally it is me who is a total bitch - but she was not in a good place. She made me hurt today. She didn't let me stop for 55 minutes. My heart rate was between 150 and 165 the entire time, and I couldn't breathe. But I kept going because I don't like unhappy Emilie - she is not fun! Half way thru she started to laugh and be happy again but it was weird. As she was stretching me out today, I started thinking that I wasn't going to see Emilie during the next 5 weeks. She, out of everyone in my life - is the only person who TRULLY knows my struggle, was not going to be in Malibu with me. I was going to have to do this with new people, who don't know that I don't like mountain climbers or burpees. Suddenly, I burst into tears, urgh I hate crying in public!! How the hell am I going to do this without her!
What Emilie doesn't know is that I cannot wait to come back and show her what I can do. That in the back of my mind, when I do something I have never thought I could do, she will be there in my head - smiling and telling me she knew I could because she knows my exercise self more than anyone, even myself.
So thank you Em - for always being there for me - even though I wasn't always there for myself. For giving me the tough love when needed and for supporting me thru this journey!!! Maybe I will add mountain climbers and burpees into the rotation when I get back:)
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